Well it that quintessentially phenomenon of half term. What is that our American or Australian friends may ask? Well it’s school holidays – yes the whole Witt family is off for a few days. It is always at these times that I get unwell – believe it or not. Temperatures, sniffing etc. etc. all of these come swirling in!
Anyway, I’m not complaining, it’s good to have an excuse for sleeping 🙂
Let me tell you some things that have been going through my mind. These are not decisions or anything like it – just thoughts. I’ve been thinking for a long time that the path ahead is going to be difficult. In fact, God told me as much last year when I was sat praying in Zambia. I don’t think adversity is maybe the biggest challenge for me. I think the biggest challenge is me. Yes you did read that correctly, it is me.
It’s all this dying to self business, for those of you who have not the faintest idea what I am going on about, read being radically unselfish. It is so, so hard. Jude and I have been thinking a little bit about what it will cost us to do some of the things we do. I think we are in a time of weighing it all up. Maybe movement, that affects our children. Maybe separation (to do some work – not divorce!) , that affects us and our children. You see when you are married, dying to yourself cannot happen alone, it has to happen as a family. They are difficult thoughts when they affect your sons, their schooling, their friends etc.
You see what is our life about? Is it about us, comfort, our children or is it about God, His will and His agenda. I think the Lord’s agenda for our life is somewhat challenging – and to put it straight, I struggle with that, there are parts of me that yearn for an easy life, a comfortable life. The problem is, deep down, that is soooo unfulfilling but so tantalising at the same time.
I’m in that place of challenge at the moment. I think quite possibly, the ministry I have is going to call for the death of a lot of what I hold dear. Now, those things are I think only things that in the long term harm me, pride for example. But, oh how I want to hold onto them. The feelings I get sometimes of being unsettled, sometimes alone, sometimes on a limb, I don’t think will ever leave me. However, in that place I must learn to trust God, to know His mind and more importantly His timing and fulfillment in everything I do, wherever I find myself, however I am feeling!
As I said above, the biggest barrier in that is me, because my selfish side does not want to die. It wages war against me and my soul. There will be some people reading this who know what I mean.
So, whoever is out there reading this, maybe you can pray for the death of me? 🙂